5 Common Crisis in Marriage and Ways How to Resolve Them

The writer and poet Robert Lewis Stevenson once said, “Marriage is a long conversation, interspersed with conflicts,” and indeed, sooner or later, every couple goes through one crisis or another that is inevitable. The good news is that when you manage to deal with those crises, the couple grows out of them and reaches a new level in their relationship, and eventually find their unique ways to be happy with each other. You have nothing to fear from a marital crisis, as it is likely to come whether you like it or not, and it is a sign that your relationship is developing. The most important thing is not to give up, not to look back or to the sides and overcome all the difficulties, because you promised that you would do it for each other, and that you would be good and bad together. So how do you get through the same crises that exist in any relationship? Here are 5 different stages of marriage and the crises that arise, along with the ways to resolve them and some tips that every couple needs to know to improve and strengthen their married life.

happy couple on bicycle

First year of marriage: Stage of understanding
Rita D’Maria, a marriage and family counselor from Philadelphia, calls the first stage of marriage “the stage of understanding.” It usually takes place after the couple has lived together for 6-12 months, during which time the “magic” of falling in love fades a bit and the couple begins to see and understand each other’s weaknesses as well as their less pleasant and desirable customs. “This is the time to learn how to work as a team,” says Rita.

How to strengthen the bond at this point?
“If you have not yet talked about serious issues such as money, raising children, visits to parents, leisure time and the like before marriage, it is time to do so,” recommends psychologist Dr. Beverly Heiman. Values in a relationship, and at the same time make some compromises.It is very important that you reach an agreement on all these issues, because during and after this time they will be the ones who will put pressure on your relationship.

3-4 years of marriage: The dangerous “comfort zone”
A study conducted with the participation of 2,000 British couples showed that within 3 and a half years the couple begin to take each other for granted, preferring to sleep more over having sex and stop saying “I love you” to each other. In fact, it is at this point that couples reach the so-called “comfort zone” of marriage. On the one hand, there is a sense of security and calm, but on the other hand, things that do not feel good, such as using the bathroom with an open door, begin to penetrate the relationship. Although 82% of study participants reported that they were happy in their marriage, nearly 50% of them added that they were interested in having their partner be more romantic.

How to strengthen the bond at this point?
You need to maintain a certain level of emotion in your relationship life. Compliment each other more often and praise each other for achievements, even the smallest ones. If there is a point problem in a relationship, start a conversation on the subject gently and without blaming anyone – first look at yourself, so recommends Dr. John Guttman, a family psychologist. The growth and temptation of your marriage will be possible only if you can look at yourself objectively From the side and you will understand how much your spouse contributes (or does not contribute) to the relationship.

5-7 years of marriage: “Itching 7 years”
There is a particular term in psychology called “7-year itching,” and it comes at the most critical stage in a marriage. By now the couple have already created a regular routine for themselves and at the same time they are also starting to treat each other as if they are on autopilot, which is a big mistake according to Beverly Hyman. There has been a decline in the couple’s interest in each other and the sexual attraction between them, and it seems that the couple already know everything about each other. Sometimes couples decide to bring their first or second child during this period to save the marriage, but it is important for every parent to remember that the child is first and foremost a person with a soul, rather than a tool to be used to achieve certain goals.

family with one kid

How to strengthen the bond at this point?
Robert Taibey, a family counselor and therapist from Virginia, offers the following tips:
Maintain open communication. You should be less formal and avoid conducting only routine, “how are you?” “-OK”. Make sure to include emotions and, of course, honesty in your communication.
Solve the problems between you as soon as they arise, and do not let them accumulate.
Refresh your list of desires and aspirations for the future from time to time, and share your thoughts with your spouse.
Talk to each other about the future of your relationship as well – what are your joint plans for the next 5 and 10 years? The key here is openness and honesty, when you should try less to be polite or mysterious.

10-15 years of marriage: “The difficult period”
A recent study found that a 10-year period is the hardest limit to go through in a marriage. 2,000 married women from the US were interviewed in the study and most claimed that the 11th year of their marriage was the most challenging. Seeing his wife as an attractive woman.These feelings are felt not only among married couples in the US, but also in Europe – when according to statistics the average marriage period in London, the UK capital, lasts about 11 years, and in Paris about 13 years.

How to strengthen the bond at this point?
The good news is that anyone who manages to get through this difficult period will experience satisfaction from his marriage that will intensify over the next 20 years. Dana Fillmore, a family therapist, recommends treating the relationship at this point with a bit of humor, and that includes self-humor. Laugh together more often and let go of the expectations you have of each other. Your marriage may not be perfect, but think about it: are they really bad? Try to concentrate on the positive aspects of your marriage and that of your spouse.


20-30 years of marriage: mid-life crisis and “gray divorce”
The crisis of 20 years of marriage usually occurs following a mid-life crisis of one of the spouses. The crisis in the relationship is intensified by the “empty nest syndrome”, as the children grow up and leave home, while the couple themselves remain in a situation similar to the beginning of their relationship – they are together and alone. Spouses sometimes begin to feel at this point that their married life is exhausting them because the main goal they had was completed and now there are no longer big common goals left, such as having children and raising them. Psychologists in America call divorces that occur at this stage “gray divorces” because the couple is already starting to gray at that stage, and in recent years there has been an increase in the incidence of such cases.

How to strengthen the bond at this point?
Do not stay away from each other and look for another meaning for your existence as a couple. If, as a couple, you ignore your marital problems while raising your children, when you are left alone in the house the quarrels will only intensify and worsen even more. On the other hand, now you have more time to solve all the problems that exist between you, and this is a great opportunity to rebuild the marriage. Steve Sebold, a relationship counselor from the United States, recommends starting a sporting activity together and creating new common goals, such as traveling the world, starting a business, learning a new language together or anything else that will help you give meaning to your relationship.

6 more surprising tips that can save your relationship
Mort Partel, a relationship counselor and founder of the “Marriage Fitness Exercises” method, thinks that common recommendations for successful marriage, such as sharing feelings or visiting a relationship counselor, are not always effective because they do not define exactly what needs to be done to overcome the crisis. So he focuses on his tips, and here are some of them here:

old couple dancing
  1. Save your marriage even if you do it alone
    It is commonly believed that the marriage should be saved by the couple together, when they are ready to solve their problems, but even if only one of the spouses is determined to save the marriage – eventually even the stubborn spouse will be able to join it slowly in time.
  1. Do not ask the wrong questions
    Do not ask yourself “Is he / she the right person for me?”. The secret to a successful marriage is not to find the right person but to learn how to love the person you have chosen, because love is not a matter of luck, but a choice you have made and must meet.

3. Farewell only distances you even further, and does not bring you closer
Many people believe that a temporary breakup can refresh their feelings and eventually bring them back into each other’s arms. But in fact, it is more likely to distance the love between the couple, especially during a relationship crisis.

  1. Talk less about problems
    Conversations with spouses about problems usually do not solve them, but only make them more troublesome for both of you, and often lead to quarrels and anger. Talk less and do more.
  1. Do not think that counselors and therapists will give you all the answers
    Treatments with relationship counselors help spouses talk to each other and understand each other’s perspectives, but they do not provide answers as to what needs to be done to save the marriage. As a result many couples come out disappointed with such treatments.
  1. Do not tell family or friends about relationship crises
    One of the most important values in a marriage and married life is privacy and mutual confidentiality. No one wants to tell their family or friends that the choice of spouse was a mistake, but then avoid parting to continue together, while the people around still remember what you thought. Exposing such details is a betrayal of a spouse’s trust – a huge mistake that too many people make in a relationship.


My name is Nitzan but everyone call me Nitz, I am passionate about writing and especially blogs. I will focus on posts that are related to Lifestyle in general , relationship,dating advices and articles, Hope you enjoy my blog!

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