6 Challenges To Face In Order To Win A Long And Happy Relationship
There are things that are an integral part of life and we have no choice but to deal with them whenever they occur; Car malfunctions, illnesses, broken tools, etc. – the same can be said about our relationships and relationships with the people we love the most. Some couples are unable to resolve them and work together to overcome the inevitable challenges of the relationship, as a result of which they suffer greatly and in extreme cases may even separate. Unlike them, there are many others who manage to do this and win a long and happy relationship. What is the secret of their magic? It consists of two things, which are knowing the problems that each couple must deal with and the right way to do it. After you finish reading the following article, you too will gain this important information …
Not every one of us knows how to give criticism properly, and even if it stems from the purest intention in the world and is conveyed in a way that looks better, not everyone accepts it easily. When one partner in a relationship feels attacked by the other party’s criticism, it can lead to a lot of problems – in the relationship and in general. Dr. John Gottman, author of the book “The Four Apocalypse Riders That Lead to Divorce,” claims that for some people criticism is a declaration that something is wrong with them. He goes on to say that using phrases like “you always do. .. “or” you never … “only aggravate the situation and move the other side to a state of defense and fortification in its positions.
Few people and couples do not encounter this obstacle, and the best way to deal with it is on the one hand not to address the person or his character when passing criticism, but only to the problematic behavior. On the other hand, the person to whom things are directed should understand that this is not a declaration of war, but only an attempt to create a discourse that will improve the quality of the relationship.
Most couples have experienced a situation where one of them builds a wall of thought around him and is not willing to talk about a particular topic or deal with any problem. Such behavior conveys indifference in the “good” or disregard at worst, and is quite common – according to Dr. Guttman about 80% of men exhibit it at one stage or another of the relationship. Contrary to many people’s beliefs, these walls are not a sign of indifference , But having difficulty coping with feelings of helplessness and overflowing with emotions.
If you have encountered such moments in which your spouse has shown indifference and opacity about a particular issue, especially one that has great significance or significant impact on the future, you must have felt quite frustrated. The best advice for dealing effectively with such situations is to be patient. The walls that people build in such cases are very strong, but if they are not attacked they collapse on their own after a period of time or another.
Attraction to another person
It is not easy to walk down the street and suddenly notice that a spouse’s eyes are wandering towards members of the opposite sex. Such behavior is usually associated with men more than women, but a study published in 2015 and conducted on 160 women in a relationship showed that the vast majority (about 70%) felt attracted to other men. It is important to note that attraction to people outside of the marital relationship is normal and does not really cause cause for concern or apprehension about infidelity. Despite this, no one likes to feel that the person he is in a relationship with is more interested in others, and this situation creates very negative feelings between spouses.
If you are trying to overcome this type of challenge, in which your spouse is attracted to others, it is important that you first avoid reckless and extreme actions. There is no point in “punishing” a person for thoughts he is not going to realize in any way – just as no one goes to jail just because he wanted to go through a red light or rob a bank. Also, do not feel that something is wrong with you because of such a situation, because there are many temptations in life and it is okay to think about them as long as you know that the relationship with your partner makes you happy.
Contempt and condescension
Even in the most loving and supportive relationship, your spouse may show you disdain that manifests itself in a variety of ways such as rolling your eyes, cynical comments, jokes at your expense, and comments like “This is not how you do it!”. Unlike criticism, such behavior is inherently offensive, so the way to overcome it is in the bottom line to simply stop it. Couples who do not know how to do this and deal with it regularly to the point where it is “broken for them” are probably suffering from their time with their spouses, so their shared future is far from promising.
To resolve such a situation, the party suffering from this behavior must explain himself and help the disparaging party understand what harm he is causing. There are “opaque” people who just do not understand it themselves and need help, so even though it is a difficult and unpleasant step, it is mandatory to do it. After that, you have to persevere in saying compliments and compliments to each other – even about small and negligible things. It is important to say, demonstrations of contempt and condescension that have lasted for a long time leave scars that do not disappear in an instant, and your spouse needs to remember this.
Problems with children, financial difficulties, family intervention and the usual stresses of life, sometimes bring us into a state of loss of self-control that can lead to quarrels with those who approach us – or in other words, an explosion. Anyone who has experienced this pressure cooker usually just wants to get away from the whole world, and that includes the couple as well. There is not much to do to avoid such cases, because as mentioned they are sometimes an integral part of life, and unfortunately are a huge obstacle for many couples who do not deal with them properly.
This challenge is unavoidable, it is a part of life and can break out between friends, family and of course couples. Relationships that last for years despite the damage caused by such “explosions”, manage to do so because they know it is an integral part of life, and when they are forced to quarrel they make sure to abide by certain rules that everyone should adopt. Remember, love and intimacy are easy to maintain when the situation is good, but the real test of a relationship is in difficult moments.
Acceptance and forgiveness
Long and loving relationships take place not only when the couple knows how to deal with problems like the ones you have read about so far, because after they pass, you need to know how to accept your partner as he is and forgive him. Couples who do not pay enough attention to this important principle or fail to uphold it, will very quickly get to a point where past events do not let go of them and tarnish any good thing that happens in the relationship.
You must be willing to solve problems in a different way than the one you have taken in the past and be whole with it. Your life is no longer just yours from the moment you decide to enter into a binding relationship and it has great benefits, but also some rules that are not always easy to follow. If you are in a relationship that has been going on for a good few years, you probably know very well that fights and crises are an integral part of it, just like anything else in life, and the only way to overcome them completely is to forgive and move on. This is how you can win love and a relationship that will last for years and make both parties happy.