7 Early Signs That May Indicate A Future Divorce
My divorce came as a complete surprise. This is what happens when you are not at home for 18 years. “This quote belongs to Lee Trevino, an American golfer with a great sense of humor, but for the vast majority of divorced couples, it is not a funny subject at all. Even divorce lawyers do not take this issue lightly, Because they often have to bear the burden of the past mistakes of divorcing couples and you can be sure that they do not derive much pleasure from it. This is what Avi Young, a divorce lawyer from Los Angeles, put it: Without the drama and emotional baggage that people bring with them, but I found myself functioning as a psychologist no less than as a lawyer. “Lawyers who specialize in divorce are in most cases the only people, except for the couple themselves, who see with their own eyes the crumbling relationship. So as you understand, these people understand this issue much more than you think, and they think there are 7 early signs that may indicate that your relationship is about to fall apart, that you should get to know to fix the situation as soon as possible.
- Silence is not worth gold
It is clear to each of us that healthy communication is essential for a healthy married life. When this essential element does not exist, it is very easy for the couple to maintain a silence that will prevent arguments and conflicts. However, according to divorce lawyers, in some situations where the couple does not argue to avoid friction, it is the silence itself that will lead to a decline in the relationship. Abby Young says: “This is the kiss of death for the life of the couple, because it leads to feelings of resentment and anger. Couples need to know how to solve the problems that arise between them in a way that is beneficial to both, and not ignore them.”
- Dominant behavior
Trying to control your spouse in a relationship, for example by setting conditions for late departures or with a particular company, is not beneficial at all to your married life. Moreover, domineering spouses usually find it difficult to change this behavior, and therefore it is problematic to deal with them because they do not see that the problem lies with them. Another example of over-domination is controlling the joint money by depriving the spouse of the ability to use it and even obtain information about it.
Dr. John Bibelhausen, a family law attorney, noted in an article he wrote for a U.S. law magazine, “Addiction to alcohol, drugs or gambling appears in most divorce judgments.” Addiction situations of all kinds have solutions that can be worked on to improve the situation, however not all addicts accept the fact that they have a problem and go for professional help. Addiction, along with its negative consequences, is in many cases difficult to deal with for the spouse who is dealing with a partner who is suffering from addiction and can easily lead to divorce.
- Economic problems
At best, the couple discusses the issue of money even before marriage, but many couples get into financial difficulties without building a plan for themselves that will suit both of them. One of the issues that adversely affects many couples is the mortgage, which can create financial problems for many years to come. During the marriage many more financial difficulties may arise, which can arise due to a variety of reasons each of which can lead the couple to divorce. Therefore, it is very worthwhile to plan in advance how you and your family members will behave during economic crises, even if the situation is currently stable, as this way you will be able to protect not only your bank account, but also your marriage.
- Lack of common interests
The phrase “opposites being attracted” may be true, but it is also worth remembering that “opposites do not always stay together.” Lisa Meyer, a California lawyer who specializes in divorce, says: “While it is true that opposites persist, do not assume that the character traits in which you fell in love with a person are going to stay with him in his marriage and for years to come.” As the people we fell in love with change and their traits we fell in love with become less prominent, our common interests help maintain a satisfying and enjoyable relationship. But when there is too much of a gap between the spouses’ interests, they tend to spend less time with each other, which often leads to divorce. The good news is that such a situation can be avoided by developing new and common interests after a long period of dating in which they did not exist. This process requires effort on both sides, but is well worth the investment.
- A sense of disconnection
Marital life brings us to experience extreme emotions and situations for better or worse; Among them are also feelings of closeness and distance. When there is a balance between these feelings, it is a healthy relationship for both parties, and this can be seen in the passion and sincere concern that exists in spouses in these times. However, if there is no balance in these feelings and one of the couple feels distant and detached for a long time, it may lead to the end of the marriage. If you feel a continuous disconnect that hurts your relationship it is highly recommended to turn to the other party and see how the situation changes with the help of a change of attitude, couple therapy, joint vacation or any other similar solution.
- Putting work first
We have all heard people say that family should take first place in our lives, and this has already become a cliché of happy couples. Worn and trite no matter how much it is said, it is often the secret to a happy marriage. When one spouse suddenly becomes addicted to his job, without directing himself to focus on a career beforehand, it can be a bad sign for a relationship. Ultimately the circumstances that led him to act in this way, whether it is financial problems that need to be solved or whether it is a distance that exists between the couple, will determine the continuation of the relationship. Remember that in most cases the motives for work addiction are actually for the benefit of the family and stem from the desire to support and take care of the family’s well-being. People who behave this way are not always aware that while their behavior is doing more harm than good, it is necessary to find the gentle and supportive way to tell them that they need to change their behavior and help them do so.