5 common mistakes you can not afford to make in relationships
5 common mistakes you can not afford to make in relationships; Many couples break up the package because they do not have the tools to create real change. When each side digs into its position, and does not see the other’s distress, it is very easy to say sentences like: “we do not fit”, or “no chance”, or “he / she is difficult”, or “he does not understand” or “she does not understand “Etc. This time I decided to change my habits and write precisely about critical mistakes that should not be made in a relationship.
Due to feelings of helplessness, many couples do not turn to couple therapy, and unpack the package without exhausting all possibilities. There are cases where couples try couple therapy, but it fails. Then they think they did everything. Here, too, it is advisable to think in other directions, in additional methods. Because sometimes the method changes everything.
For example, the NLP method has revolutionized the improvement of relationships, by using techniques that create rapid changes with the help of the subconscious.
Here are 5 mistakes that should not be made in a relationship:
Many couples find themselves blaming each other very often, as if it is a mitzvah. I recommended: Let go. Complaints hurt your communication. Complaints will not bring you the salvation of which you are waiting. Put your ego aside and take responsibility for your communication. Complaints are not included in the category of promotion of the relationship.
So, from that moment on, whenever you want to complain, take a deep breath and decide that you are giving up that automaton, and in its place you put a new automaton: acceptance. Decide that you accept the different, and no one has to be your punching bag. Understand that a relationship is not a situation of: I command and you do.
2. Lack of listening
Many couples are so afraid of dealing with what they are told, afraid of dealing with the truth, that they prefer not to listen. And so they mistakenly think that if they manage not to listen, then they are protected. As a result, the other side does not get the real response, but rather an escape from the issue.
For example, the spouse says his or her opinion about something. Then, the partner (without giving time to even breathe) responds by expressing her opposite and decisive opinion on the same subject.
Another example, when the woman, for example, tells how difficult it is for her. Then, the partner gives her a solution and forces her to carry it out. And if not – he will carry out the solution. The problem in this case is that the partner did not really want a solution, but only listening.
These reactions are an escape from confronting the truth.
Ask yourself is it important that you express your opinion?
When your partner spoke to you, did he even ask for your opinion?
Could there be a situation where the partner will express his opinion on something, and in any case you will not express your opinion? True, this can be bypassed-but not unless you’re a techie who knows what he’s doing. At the same time it is possible. Practice it on a daily basis.
Remember: Just as yours has needs, so do the other side. Get in the other’s shoes.
See where you can be more attentive. Ask your spouse what is the most important thing for him / her to do for him / her, and just do it, without expecting anything in return. Remember that an important part of a relationship is giving. Make it a regular habit.
3. No agreements are made regarding household chores
Although the article is about mistakes that are made, here I do not hold back, and I will note that the mistake is precisely about not doing.
Relationships are a business for everything. As with any business, there should be clear rules in a relationship. A relationship cannot work out on its own. There needs to be mutual agreement for a relationship to be what you want.
It is very important that you set rules regarding household chores. Allow each side to choose what it takes on. And even if it does not go well at first, do not despair. Keep setting the rules. Of course you will be even more careful to perform them.
If one of you has failed to do his part, consider how he can be helped. You may change the agreement in such a way that it does something different.
4. Mind reading
Many people think that if they live with someone, they can read his thoughts. There may be cases where he will be justified, but it is not always possible to be right.
Stop reading minds. Mind reading is one of the most destructive things in a relationship. For example: “He does not understand that I am tired. He is emotionless.” The question arises: how will he understand that you are tired if you do not call it? And this is not the end. Another question is asked: Do you understand that he is tired? We are often very engrossed in our difficulty that we expect our spouses to be willing and willing to take responsibility, but do not find out if it is right for them.
Another example: “She does not understand that when I come home from work I need my peace.” How will she understand if you do not communicate this? Of course it is imperative to communicate this nicely. And even if your quiet is important to you, take a few minutes of quiet to yourself, and get back to functioning and helping with the kids. Just because you work does not mean you are exempt from helping with the children.
5. Forget why they fell in love with each other
Many couples focus so negatively on the other, that they magnify it greatly, and then all they see in the other is negative.
The truth is that what they see is not the truth, but what they do in their head in a completely subjective way. They choose all the negative things, focus on them and make an overall and wrong decision about the other.
This becomes a habit, until one day they discover that they have forgotten why they are together.
Instead, ask yourself: Why did you fall in love with your spouse? What is it that has touched you so much that created love? This is obviously a very important thing. Focus on that. Appreciate it. Ask yourself: what can you do to experience this love again. Go out for fun together, enjoy quality time together, focus on the important qualities of the other side. Then, the main thing that will stand in front of your eyes will be the positive side of the other. Isn’t it better for you like that?