Dealing with difficulties in sexual function
Dealing with difficulties in sexual function; Jason is perceived by his friends as a “sworn bachelor”, “revelry”, “Don Juan”, who goes from girl to girl and is not interested in finding one and settling down. Sandra’s friends have already given up on her, because she is always dissolved in dating options and shows no motivation to sign up for the dating site. Both Jason and Sandra are intelligent and talented young people who succeed in many areas of life, and it is difficult for their family and friends to imagine that the source of their ongoing bachelorhood is barely sexual function in non-flirtatious relationships in Jason’s case, and intense sex anxiety in Sandra’s case.
Sexual dysfunction is a more common difficulty than we are used to thinking: many people are ashamed and disguise their sexual difficulties and find it difficult to understand why it is so difficult for them in an area where other people seem to function in a fluid and relaxed manner. In this article we will discuss difficulties in sexual function and their source and suggest how to deal with them.
Difficulties in sexual function – why does it happen?
Difficulties in sexual function may be caused by various medical problems but in most cases the causes will be emotional. The ability to have normal and satisfying sex is not only a physiological ability but also an ability that is influenced by psychological aspects such as self-image, the ability to relax, trust other people, the ability for emotional intimacy and so on.
Thus, for example, a man with low self-esteem may develop a performance anxiety that will prevent him from having normal sex and a woman who believes in men and her ability to have damaged emotional intimacy with them, may experience the act of penetration as threatening and invasive and have difficulty reaching orgasm. In this sense, many people who face sexual dysfunction are actually dealing not with a sexual problem but with an emotional difficulty that is manifested in a sexual symptom.
Unfortunately, this confusion between the sexual aspect and the emotional aspect often creates negative circles of influence which aggravate the difficulties. Many people with sexual dysfunction adopt problematic coping strategies, including avoiding intimate relationships, self-neglect that pushes away potential sexual partners, use of drugs and psychoactive substances (drugs, alcohol) to relieve symptoms, and symptoms of sexual dysfunction.
These strategies reduce a person’s contact with his or her difficulty in sexual function and may lead to immediate relief, but in the long run they may have significant negative effects. Thus, for example, over the years a person develops a self-identity of someone who is unable to form a marital or sexual relationship (the “sworn bachelor” or “Don Juan” who goes through relationships but is unable to fall in love), and this self-perception may intensify anxiety.
From the couple-sexual realm, lead to over-investment in other areas of life (development of workaholics, for example) and even lead to the development of additional emotional problems such as symptoms of depression or anxiety. Also, sexual difficulties often lead to significant gaps between a person’s sexual-marital abilities and those of his or her peers, and these may lead to increased anxiety and the tendency to avoid potential sexual contact. Thus, for example, a 35-year-old virgin may refrain from making connections out of a sense that he is unable to “deliver the goods” in the sexual realm.
Dealing with difficulties in sexual function
Understanding difficulties in the sexual realm as difficulties that originate in the emotional realm and not necessarily in the physical realm implies the need to address them from this perspective. But how do you do that?
The first step in coping requires acknowledging the existence of an emotional-sexual difficulty. This recognition is not simple due to the shame that often surrounds the sexual realm and due to the complex defense mechanisms that prevent people from acknowledging their difficulties (after all, who wants to replace the image of Don Juan or a career woman who is “in love” with a person with emotional-sexual difficulties? ).
The second, and no less complex, step is to begin to give up the defense mechanisms that prevent us from being in contact with our difficulties: give up the grass that alleviates performance anxiety, avoid using Viagra (if there is no medical justification for using it) and try exactly the same things we avoid (dating) , Continuing the relationship beyond the initial flick) and most importantly – examining what is happening to us and how we feel and function without the defense mechanisms we have adopted.
Another step that helps many people is shifting the focus from sexual function to couple-intimate function. Many people who face difficulties in sexual function are all focused on the ability to achieve an erection, allow sexual contact and penetration or reach orgasm and “on the road”, forget to invest in emotional intimacy. When the focus is shifted and the person begins to put most of his efforts into making an intimate and emotional connection,
he can also allow himself to enjoy intimate non-sexual contacts and sexual contacts that do not have to end in penetration or orgasm. These contacts make sexuality more relaxed and open and less stressful, thus often reducing the difficulties in sexual function. For example, a woman who does not define the purpose of sexual intercourse as achieving orgasm can let go of the deliberate effort to “do it right” and simply enjoy the partner’s intercourse and thus, paradoxically, increase the chance of enjoying sexual intercourse and even orgasm.
If the difficulties in sexual function are manifested in a permanent marital relationship, another important step in coping concerns the distinction between factors related to the person himself (performance anxiety, fear of intimacy, difficulty letting go and losing control) and factors related to marital relationship (distance and burnout).
A feeling of inferiority in relation to the spouse leading to performance anxiety, etc.). Whether it is difficulties related to the specific relationship or whether it is the difficulties of the person himself (usually there is an interaction between the two), it is recommended to share the difficulties with the spouse and make him or her a partner in coping.
Hiding the sexual difficulty and avoiding sexual contact that accompanies it often leads to distance and exacerbation of the difficulties, while sincere sharing may mobilize the partner for joint coping.
As can be seen, dealing with sexual dysfunction requires a high level of self-awareness, daring and exposure. Accordingly, most people who face persistent difficulties in sexual function need professional assistance that will assist them in each of the relevant steps.
Accordingly, in cases of sexual difficulties that significantly impair the ability to create or maintain a positive couple relationship that includes adequate sexuality -for Dealing with difficulties in sexual function it is recommended to seek psychological treatment, couple therapy or sexual therapy.