Do You Regret Marrying Your First Sex?
Many of us are still with their first love. The question is whether marrying your first (and only) lover is a good idea or basis for remorse?
“First love is only dangerous if it is also the last” – Bernislav Nozik”.
I never wished I had ordered a fish if the steak I got was cooked to my liking.” – A woman who married her first lover. Many of us are still with their first love. Is marrying your first (and only) lover a bad idea? Do these couples regret not having any more romantic experiences? Is the quality of relationships between such couples constantly high? Do we have to go out with a zero chain before we find the one and only? These questions are related to the relationship between love and remorse.
Love and remorse
“Most of us do not regret what we did to the same extent that we regret what we did not do. I regret that I no longer have to marry some of the men I liked. A woman quoted in Glamor magazine
“Regret for what we have done may diminish over time. Regret for what we have not done is no comfort.” – Sydney Smith.
Short-term remorse focuses more on our actions than things we did not do. In contrast, the feeling of remorse that arises as we look back on our lives is more about the path that was not taken. For example, if we lost a lot of money on the stock exchange this week, our remorse would be greater if the loss was due to action we did, such as unsuccessful sale of shares, than if we failed. For example, failure to sell shares. In contrast, as we review the course of our lives, we will have more regrets for actions that we did not do (that we did not go to study, that we did not choose a particular profession, that we did not have more children).
In the romantic realm in the short term, people tend to regret having sex the night before. Looking at their course of life with a more transverse look, people tend to regret missed romantic relationships. Indeed, a study of 48 women found that only one regretted working for the realization of her dream, while almost all women regretted not working for their dream. Someone once said that in her youth, she had an affair with a young man who wanted her because she thought he was a nerd; 40 years later, he was awarded the Nobel Prize in Physics. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to be with this guy
Marriage to the first lover
“We’re divorced now. I regret that I made the decision to get married so early. It’s easy to imagine that the love you found is perfect while ignoring red flags.” A woman who married her first lover
Does the decision to marry the first lover have a narrow mindset that leads to regret? It is natural to assume that people who marry their first and only love will tend to regret an early closure of romantic horizons. Thus, in a different context, it is indeed found that accepting your first offer in financial negotiations causes disappointment and frustration that you did not bid higher and thus you were more successful.
Contrary to these expectations, it is found that those who marry their first love are more likely to continue to be in love, not to think of parting, and to safely believe that they will remain with their partners forever. Other polls indicate that a high percentage of people who married their first lover are still married to him, and a significant percentage of them claim to have had the best sex of their lives with the first lover. One of the explanations for these results relates to the destructive nature of romantic comparisons. People who are married to their first love are less concerned with comparisons with other people, focusing more on the quality of their unique bond.
“No regrets, he is my other half”
To illustrate the various considerations of marriage with the first lover, I have compiled a number of answers found online: “Do you regret not having a romantic experience with more than one spouse, and was your choice good?”
“I knew I couldn’t be in a casual romantic relationship, so it’s nice that I found someone who suited me from the beginning.”
“Sometimes I think how things could have been different if I had more experience, but no remorse, just curiosity.”
“We’re in the process of divorce (and I’m so excited!).”
“I have no regrets. I’m just glad I had the good fortune to find a good mate on the first try.”
“It’s wonderful! I don’t feel like I’m missing out on something that is different in other relationships. I’m very happy with what I have. Even if there are better people for me, I’m pretty happy that I don’t even have a desire to look.”
“We’ve been together for almost 15 years and been married for more than nine years, but getting divorced in my mid-thirties was the best thing I’ve ever done.”
“Yes, I regret not dating other guys.”
“Sometimes I would like to know that I could have slept with other men before we met (my husband is not an adventurer in bed), but from the aspect of the relationship, I couldn’t ask for more. I know my husband is in the top percentage in terms of fit.”
“No regrets. I never felt I was losing anything. He is my other half, and we are the most fortunate on earth.”
About remorse and curiosity
“I have no regrets, just a slight curiosity every now and then.” A woman married to her first lover
As expected, women’s answers reflect a variety of opinions. Marriage with the first lover is often not the optimal option, especially in our society where making romantic relationships is very easy. However, in some circumstances this is a possibility that leads to a deep and exciting love relationship. A major advantage of such a marriage comes from a long history of significant shared activities. First love does not have to be love at first sight, but it often has as high a power as such, so it allows marriage without further exploration.
The answers also reflect a correct distinction between remorse and curiosity. Regret includes sadness about past behavior, while curiosity expresses a desire for further knowledge. Curiosity can be realized in different ways, even without hurting the first love. In any case, sexual curiosity is not something that can be provided with a one-time experience; Curiosity is an ongoing position. Therefore, one-time experience of sex with others – most likely not a one-time case. Or, as Francois de la Rochfoucault said:” You can find a woman who has never had a forbidden affair, but rarely find someone She had only one such novel. “
In summary, when we marry the first lover, we sometimes do well on the first try; In other cases, we compromise what comes first. Sometimes such a marriage is an ongoing honeymoon, and sometimes it is an illusory honey trap.
For more reference, please visit the site Psychology Today – Here.