36 Questions That Can Make You Fall In Love Fast! In Less Than An Hour
It is said that you can choose a partner, but you can not choose who to fall in love with. When it comes to love, it is common to think that the realm of emotion rules and that our ability to make informed decisions about it tends to be zero. Recently an article was published in New York Time claiming otherwise: We can choose our love and there is also a very scientifically accurate way to do it. In fact, this is a set of 36 questions and one more small task of only 4 minutes.
In 1997, Professor Arthur Aron, an expert in personal growth psychology at Stony Brook University in New York, published a study describing a scientific experiment he conducted among pairs of strangers. Arun developed a theory that openness to another person, exposing deep layers in our personality and placing ourselves in a place of vulnerability in front of him – can develop such a strong intimacy that it will lead to instant infatuation. the meaning? We can choose who to fall in love with, even a complete stranger.
Does the theory stand the test of time?
Arun and his colleagues initiated an experiment: they brought foreign men and women into the room and seated them facing each other. Subjects were given a series of 36 questions (will be given below the article), divided into 3 degrees of intimacy, which they had to answer. Then they were given another task – to look each other in the eye quietly for 4 minutes in a row.
The results of the study showed greater closeness between the couple after the personal interaction, compared to a control group in which subjects engaged in small talk. But the more juicy individual is that half a year after the experiment, one couple was already married. It took them 45 minutes of interaction in the lab to fall in love. By the way, they invited all the researchers to their wedding.
Reinforcement for these results came from a lecturer in creative writing at the University of British Columbia in Canada, Mandy Len Carton, who decided to try to apply Arun’s research in her private life. In an article she wrote for New York Time, she describes her version of the experiment. On the first date with a colleague from the university, the two happened to talk about the question of freedom of choice in love. Carton, who recalled the 36-question experiment, suggested testing the theory in real time.
So they opened up the series of questions on the cell phone and started answering them, one at a time. At the end of the date, they found themselves standing on a bridge outside the cafe and looking each other in the eyes, for 4 consecutive minutes. “The essence of the moment was not only that I really see someone, but that I see someone who really sees me,” she says of the brief but significant experience, “after letting this understanding sink in, I arrived at an unexpected place. I felt brave and in a state of wonder …”
Love at its core is self-expansion
It is imperative that a meeting in such unique circumstances will evoke deep thoughts about the nature of relationships. Carton says that “we all have a narrative of our own, which we offer to strangers and acquaintances. But Professor Arun’s questions make relying on that narrative impossible.”
She explains that the level of intimacy she managed to achieve in such a short time and with such high acceleration can only occur naturally in children, “I recalled a summer camp, staying awake all night with a new friend and exchanging our short life details. At 13, away from home for the first time, it It felt natural to get to know someone quickly. ” It is rare, however, that life summons such circumstances to adults.
Despite the scientific limitations of the private experiment that Cardboard performed, he proved to her that there is a considerable degree of choice in love. And the experiment further proved to her that the essence of the questionnaire – the reason it was so powerful – lies in the very inclusion of another person within our identity.
The intimate details shared by the interlocutors during the questionnaire create a high-degree and concentrated spiritual closeness, and therefore an extension of the self takes place. The questions are built to unlock our naked personality and let a stranger not only peek into it, but actually get to know it. And of course the opposite is also true – being a secret partner in the most hidden parts of someone else’s identity, is an unparalleled close experience.
So far we have left you in suspense: Cardboard’s field experiment managed to bring her and the date to high levels of intimacy , but did she really fall in love, and what happened to the couple? The answer is that the experiment was successful in this sense as well – the relationship did not end that evening on the bridge outside the bar.
The two became partners following the meeting, and maintain a relationship that she defines as “intentional.” One of the things she learned from the experience is that love is a more flexible business than people tend to believe “most people think love is something that happens to us … but what I liked about the study was its assumption that love is an action”.
Feel free to test Professor Arun’s theory for yourself – these tasks can help you fall in love with a new partner or help strengthen intimacy in an existing relationship. These are the 36 questions. When you have finished answering them, take 4 minutes to look silently into each other’s eyes.
Set no. 1
- If you could invite anyone, who would you invite to dinner?
- Do you want to be famous? in what way?
- Do you ever make a rehearse call before a phone call? Why?
- What do you consider as a “perfect” today?
- When was the last time you sang to yourself? And to another person?
- If you could live to the age of 90, and maintain the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which one would you choose?
- Do you have a secret gut feeling about the way you will die?
- State 3 things that you and your interlocutor share
- What in your life are you most grateful for?
- If you could change one thing the way you were raised, what would you change?
- In the next 4 minutes, a tell the story of your life, as detailed as possible.
- If you could wake up tomorrow with a new feature or ability, what would it be?
Set no, 2
- If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, your future or anything else, what would you like to know?
- Is there anything you have been dreaming of doing for a long time? Why did not you do it?
- What is the greatest achievement in your life?
- What do you value most in friendship?
- What is your most precious memory?
- What is your most horrible memory?
- If you knew that in a year you would die at once, would you change anything in the way you live today? Why?
- What is friendship for you?
- What roles do love and affection play in your life?
- Alternately, tell each other one trait that you consider a positive trait in your interlocutor. share at least 5.
- How close and warm is your family? Do you feel that your childhood was happier than most people’s?
- How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
Set. no. 3
- Formulate, each, 3 correct “both” statements. For example, “We are both in this room, and feel…”
- Complete the sentence: “I wish I had someone to share…”
- If you knew you were going to be a close friend of your interlocutor, what important detail would he need to know?
- Tell your conversation partner what you like about them: This time be was very honest, somethings you might not have never said to someone you just met.
- Share with your interlocutor an awkward moment in your life.
- When was the last time you cried in front of someone else? And alone?
- Tell your experiment partner something you already like about them.
- What, if any, is considered in your eyes too serious to be laughed at?
- If you had died tonight without the opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not saying to a certain person? Why didn’t you tell them that yet?
- Your home, including everything you have, is on fire. After you have saved your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely take out one more item. What will you choose? Why?
- Of all the people in your family, whose death will be the hardest for you? Why?
- Share a personal problem, and ask your interlocutor how he would have dealt with it. Also, ask your interlocutor to reflect on how you feel about the problem you have chosen.
Look into each other’s eyes in silence for 4 minutes.