He Said He Loved Me But Would Never Marry Me, Now He’s Married!
He said he loved me but would never marry me , but some time after the breakup you find out he is engaged to another. What makes “Eternal Butterflies” change their minds about marriage? The dating consultant with all the tips that will make the next guy commit to you.
“He’s getting married!” Lisa shouted in a grunting tone on the other end of the phone. “We broke up because he declared he would never want to get married, and look and behold! Not even a year has passed since she got married to someone else! Do you realize? I just can’t believe it!”
I actually believe very much, I thought to myself. Over the years I have come across countless stories about these men called the “Eternal Butterflies,” the ones everyone assumes will never commit. Women fall captivated by their charms, but other than a little sex, which does not always live up to expectations, they receive from them nothing but a broken heart and great disappointment.
And not only that – in the end those women hear from some friend that despite everything, their “butterfly” does get married. They remain open-mouthed and wonder, how can this be? How did that woman make him change his mind? And why her, of all the other women? To understand what she did that you did not do, it is important that you understand three things:
- There is no man who is not willing to commit
Do not believe a man who says he is not built for a relationship, because that is not true. By the way, do not wait for him or chase after him in the expectation that this moment will come when he will be ready to settle down. Moreover, if he explicitly tells you that he is not interested in a serious relationship, relationship, wedding and children, then say goodbye to him. You deserve the whole package and do not forget it.
- No one wants to be pressured
Do you know the wide brown rubber band? The more you stretch it, the farther it will fly, and so will your man. When you think about it in depth, you also do not like being stretched and pushed to do something that you are not sure you are willing to do. Instead of a fight it creates distance, even resentment. So do not set requirements, conditions, ultimatums or schedules. Do not rob him of what is most important to him, his freedom, including his freedom of choice. Let him feel that he chooses you voluntarily and not by default.
- Do not compromise on your goals
Before you waste your time on a man who is not worth you, stop and consider whether he is the right man for you. Do his goals match yours? And if not, are you really willing to give up your dreams for him? You may be so in love with him now that you are willing to compromise for him on things that are important to you, but what will happen in a year? two years? decade?
After we understand this, the question arises: what did she do that you did not do, and how did she manage to “domesticate” the free butterfly? I mean, how can you make him want you and you forever?
Have a life of your own
Make sure you have time for yourself, your family and your friends. Not everything revolved around him. Invest in yourself and quite enjoy the felt as well. Show him that you have a full and rich life and that you are not available to him at any given moment.
Create a rich, full and happy world for yourself. Your happiness is within you and not with your spouse. Share your inner happiness with him, and see that together he will only intensify.
One of the most important things is to give it its own space. A man needs his own felt, and while women tend to be very sociable, men tend to shut themselves in, and often enter their cave because it takes them time to think for themselves.
Understand that this is a need and not a desire. In addition, men need more time to bond. If you do not give him space and be too sticky and demand to see him every day, he will move away, and he will most likely do so in a way that will prevent you from being able to bridge the distance.
Let him miss you. The longing will make him fall in love with you. Only after he feels longing will he come to the understanding that he wants you, that he needs you and that it is difficult for him without you.
Let him indulge in you and want near you. You can not be with him 7/24, even if he wants and asks. The bond between you and that dreamy man should be forged slowly and carefully, keeping the rules.
Remember that haste is from the devil. Control yourself and your feelings, you are no longer a child, so you should learn to reject gratifications. Do not be available every time he tweets. Let him miss and develop feelings.
The winning card
You want him and he wants you, there is a strong and mesmerizing attraction between you and you never stop thinking about yourself together, in the bedroom? Wait. No more dating or another week, but really wait.
Do not surrender to him until he surrenders to you. Does he want sex? Excellent! You want commitment! Sounds outdated? Definitely not. Studies have shown that men are more passionate than women and that sex is a basic instinct that employs them no less than food.
In one famous study they checked and found that a man thinks about sex every 52 seconds. In an even more recent study, they found that a man thinks about sex twice as much as a woman.
In light of these studies you can understand the importance of sexual intercourse in a man, which indicates that he must be fantasizing about you throughout the day, which is great.
Let him continue to fantasize about you. That is, it is advisable to postpone sex as much as possible, and in fact it is advisable to wait until the man commits to a monogamous relationship. Here’s another reason for him to commit.
Let him work
Does he want you? Excellent! To make an effort. We do not value things that are easily achieved. Do not play games because today people dislike it more than in the past, but also do not be too easy to achieve.
Be sure to maintain balance. He needs to invest in you and cultivate the relationship with you, so that you will be his and only his.
If you make him sweat for you, he will always remember how hard it was to work to win your heart.
This memory will make him realize how hard it is to get someone like you, and will help him internalize that he needs to hold on to your relationship. Remember, what comes easily goes easily.
The more you make him feel loved and valued, the more he will fall in love with you and appreciate you more. Men need someone to caress their ego just as much as you need someone to listen to you. Stop complaining about petty things, and appreciate all those little things he does for you.
This is of course only if he does (and you deserve to have them do for you). Your attention to detail, compliments and admiration for him will make him addicted to you.
In conclusion, it is important to understand that people in general and men in particular are willing to step out of their comfort zone only when they have no choice.
If the man gets everything he wants without committing, he has no desire to change anything. Why fix something if it is not broken? And why should he make an effort? Do not expect things to just happen when he has no incentive. It is your responsibility to promote this relationship, and bring it to where you want it to be.
To keep your heart, do not invest your whole being in a relationship before committing to exclusivity. Do not assume that you are a spouse just because that’s how it feels. Do not remove your profile from the various apps and do not sever ties with other men so as not to burn bridges. Remember he is allowed, you are allowed too.
Moreover, do not speed it up or manipulate it. You are not preaching, rocking or begging. You want to make him commit to you naturally and voluntarily. Why would he do that? Because while maintaining the basic principles it will feel like the right thing to do!