How to argue in a relationship effectively – Disputes and conflicts are in the public domain and they do not miss even spouses who are in a happy and loving relationship because this is human nature – we do not always agree on everything.
There is nothing wrong with that and there are even quite a few studies that have been conducted on relationship disputes, whose findings show that spouses who have small quarrels on a regular basis, tend to establish a stable, longer and healthier relationship.
However, quarrels need to know how to manage so we have collected for you 10 particularly effective tips and advice that will teach you how to argue without harming your relationship.
Maintain a sense of comfort It turns out that the feeling of comfort has a profound effect on the way you choose to conduct your argument. Therefore, even if you feel you have “thorns in your ass” and the possibility of sitting while the blood is boiling with rage is out of the question, you should be familiar with the study conducted in collaboration with the world’s leading universities: the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Howard Weil. Hard were stiffer when it came to making their decisions while those sitting in a soft and comfortable chair were much more courteous. So next time you argue, try to do it comfortably, maybe things will look different
Hold hands during the difficult conversation Conversation during which difficult things are said is a challenge in any relationship due to the fear that the spouse will be harmed by our words or react to them defensively and in the negative. It’s amazing to find that you can soften the conversation if you just make sure to hold hands or at least maintain some contact with your partner. Physical contact is known to elicit a response in the body in which a hormone called Oxycontin is released, also affectionately called the “pleasure hormone” due to the pleasant sensation it inspires in the body. So the next time you quarrel, calm the spirits with a little loving touch and you will immediately notice the results.
Replace the word “you” with the word “I” We all experienced arguments that were accompanied by blunt words and ended in jarring tones far beyond what we had initially imagined. There is no doubt that the choice of words during an argument has a great impact on the chances of reaching this state, so it is important to recognize the importance of words that seem to us to be meaningless, as these, may dictate the tone of the conversation. One of them is the word “you”; Starting a conversation with “you” causes your partner to automatically enter a defensive state due to the sense of guilt that accompanies that word. Instead of saying “you did something to me that bothers me”, start the conversation with a sentence like: “I want to share with you something that bothers me”. Once you avoid blaming and one-sided wording, the positive differences in the nature of the quarrel will already give their signals.
Try to use your spouse’s affectionate nickname even during the quarrel This is a real challenge. During a quarrel, many of us tend to use our spouses’ real name instead of their affectionate nicknames in order to present ourselves as authoritative and serious. However, it is important to understand that in practice this way gives the debate a colder and more formal tone. Try, even if it does not feel natural, to still use the affectionate name that you usually call your spouse in everyday life. This way you will gradually turn the difficult argument into a simple conversation.
Place your hand on the heart area Body language has a huge impact on the way we interpret the words and behavior of the other and some even say that non-verbal communication has a power equal to the power of words. A great way to use body language as a means of softening quarrels is by placing your hand on your chest area while raising arguments against your partner. This is how he will interpret what is being said, difficult as it may be, as coming from a loving and caring place and will moderate his response. Body language has a host of other effects on the way we are perceived by the other, during a fight and in general.
Try to document arguments that have left a mark on you In a relationship as in a relationship, in the heat of the moment, quarrels can cause us to behave quite blatantly and abusively and leave us with a heavy sense of remorse. The next time you feel this way, try to grow out of remorse and learn from mistakes that have burned into your mind from the argument. Be sure to remember words that deeply hurt your partner, feelings of frustration and sadness that accompanied you in the hours after the quarrel and even try to document these memories in a notebook. This way, you will create red lines that will resonate in your head in the next fight and will not let you make the same mistakes again.
Be sure to present the arguments as a failure of both of you and not just speak on your own behalf Quarrels are a controversy in which each side stands up to certain arguments and presents them as its own, but presenting things as if they only represent you, has a profound effect on your spouse. If, for example, you are arguing about the way things are done at home, instead of saying “in my house, things will be done this way”, present it as “our house”. This way you will not make the other party feel as if he was a stranger who has no decision or weight as to the conduct of various things in the marital system.
Set the interpretation aside Personal interpretation has the power to influence the way we perceive reality and sometimes things we have been told by our spouses during a quarrel may be interpreted by us in a completely different way from their original intent. There is no doubt that in the test of reality there is great difficulty in refraining from giving personal interpretation, but instead of making counter-accusations based on the way you translated the various arguments, be sure to say exactly what you understood to make sure it is true. It is very important that you do this gently and not aggressively or cynically, and it is very possible that at that moment your partner will explain to you what his real intention was and thus you will avoid branching out into new and unpleasant districts.
Be aware of your breathing during the fight Mental stress states, including nervousness, are characterized by a variety of symptoms one of which is shallow breathing. While this is a natural response of the body to a condition it interprets as a threat, explained as part of the “fight or flight” symptoms, a lack of oxygen also encourages further nervousness and an accelerated pulse. Therefore, try to be aware of your breaths during a difficult fight. Make sure air enters the body until you feel the lungs are full and the abdomen swells slightly, then exhale slowly. Conscious breathing saturates the body’s cells with oxygen, thus slowing the pulse and reducing feelings of tension and nervousness that may only aggravate the quarrel.
Set examples from the past and concentrate on the present Our natural tendency is to mention during the debate a variety of past arguments that will come to our defense, but although it seems to be a sensible defensive technique, it is also an obstacle that has the power to aggravate the quarrel. The result is that instead of concentrating on current arguments, bringing up memories from the past causes a leak from the central theme and further unnecessary debates as to disputes that have long been put aside. Instead, focus on the current topic of the debate and be sure to remind yourself to focus only on what is happening in the here and now.
My name is Nitzan but everyone call me Nitz, I am passionate about writing and especially blogs. I will focus on posts that are related to Lifestyle in general , relationship,dating advices and articles, Hope you enjoy my blog!
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