How To Get Closure In A Relationship
How To Get Closure In A Relationship is sometimes a question that we ask our self, why; “Closure is an act of commitment to the relationship that you really want. Because when you try to move on and something emotional is holding you back from doing it, it’s like giving full gas in neutral.”
One of the questions that arises in many of my clients is whether it makes sense to write something more for the man with whom they were in contact, to check again what is happening, to make sure if he still wants to. In many cases the answer is known: it is not in your interest, and even if it is, not in the way you would like.
You may have already spoken to him openly. Perhaps acts such as repeated disappearances, ignoring your messages or striving for sex have already shed light on his intentions. And maybe the issue has never come up and you can still tell yourself that he does not know exactly how you feel (although people always feel if someone has feelings for them, even though it is sometimes convenient for them to turn a blind eye).
If you are honest with yourself – chances are good that you already know what he is willing or unwilling to give. This begs the question – so why do you still feel the need to check it again? The answer to this comes from two fronts: One is that his attitude towards you is confusing. When you are already together, there is a real connection, fun, laughter and in-depth conversation. It’s really not just sex.
Maybe he even told you directly that he was able to see you as the mother of his children or similar flattering things, even though he never provided those big words with real coverage. In any case, there is a real emotion and connection there. And it’s confusing because you think to yourself, how can it be that if he feels that way he does not want more? But the fact is that even if he has a real emotion, it is not strong enough.
The second reason for your irrational desire is that emotions are irrational, and therefore, even though you rationally understand that the answer is no, emotion still nods at you from within, and claims that there is a chance that is still worth checking out.
Many of the women I talk to try their best to silence the emotion through the rationale. But it does not really work, and what happens is that they get stuck with the thoughts of the deceiving guy for a long time. Others intuitively understand that they owe this closure to themselves.
“But why? To get hurt again?”
You may read my words and say to yourself, why? To get one more time no? To lower myself and get hurt again? – And you are absolutely right, but what I always explain is that initiating a closure is an act of commitment to the relationship that you really want. Because when you’re trying to move on and something emotional is holding you back from doing it, it’s like giving full gas neutral
You will not understand why you do not connect with anyone (because you always compare them to him), why you can not fall in love (because you do not really want to “betray” him and open your heart to someone else), and why you have no power to do anything at all (because you are waiting For a moment he will understand his mistake and return to you).
I suggest that instead of being angry at yourself for still wanting it or trying to deny it, look at your actions from a different perspective, and see how brave you are in what you are willing to do for yourself.
Do not have a weak heart!
Despite what has been said, it is important to understand that such a move, which is highly likely to end in rejection, is not suitable for everyone.
We are all afraid of rejection, but there are women (and men, of course) whose self-image is so fragile that such a thing could bring them down to the boards.
They crash when someone does not respond to their request in the app, stop corresponding with them before the meeting took place, and of course when he says after the date that he is not interested. These women were advised not to initiate closure.
For those who are interested in going for it, I will say that as with many matters concerning relationships, and in general how it is worthwhile to conduct oneself in life, even in this case there is not really a book of rules.
It’s not that I can dictate to you what exactly to say or write, whether to do so in a message, by phone call or face to face. It depends on your style and the nature of the relationship. Still, I will give some guidelines.
In case there has already been a conversation on the subject and you want to see if he changed his mind by chance, you can write something implicit. You can start with “hi” and see if he will answer at all and how.
If you have decided to take the implicit approach but it seems to you from his words that he is once again directing the relationship in the direction of sex or something non-binding, you better explain to him why you turned to him and what your real purpose is.
You can also start in a direct step in advance, and write him something along the lines of: “Time has passed and I miss you, how about examining it again?” Or “I feel like there was something special between us that was a shame to miss, maybe it’s worth giving it another chance?”
Someone I know, for example, one day knocked on her ex-partner’s door to tell him she misses, and today they are married with children. If so, it does not matter what you choose and how, remember that the goal is one – to tip the scales here or there.
Either your daring will bear fruit and something good will develop, or the extra refusal you will receive will close the door on the stubborn slot of hope, and help you continue on your path free.
And if initiating a closure is not the right way for you, think about what it is. Because repressing emotion and continuing to put in the effort, is something that doesn’t really work