5 bold decisions that will improve your marriage in the coming year
improve your marriage; A new year is an opportunity to decide that this time we will invest more in our relationship, and that we are willing to give a lot of ourselves to make it happen. All the ways to make your relationship better and healthier than ever and improve your marriage.
We are constantly telling ourselves that it is time to take responsibility for our lives, fight routines and habits and take another step towards the life we wanted for ourselves.
As a couple counselor, I see every day how much the relationship has the power to make us very unhappy or very happy, and how much in the normal race of the day, despite its great centrality, the relationship is only pushed down in our priorities, until sometimes it is the last we take care to preserve And cultivate.
Just for this and in honor of the new year, I have prepared a list of ideas for personal and / or couple work, and for relatively simple actions that you can do and change to improve the relationship that is closest to you.
You can choose to focus on one or more ideas, decide that you invest all or all of the minimum in it. The main thing is that you declare to yourself that you want to invest this year in your relationship, and that you are willing to give of yourself to make it happen.
So how do you make your relationship better and healthier than ever in the coming year?
First of all, stop criticizing each other
When two people choose to live their lives together, they are actually merging two different worlds that are supposed to integrate and get along with each other. Everyone comes with their own habits, agendas, life views, temperament, rhythm and priorities, and he needs to show forgiveness, tolerance and flexibility for this combination to work properly.
Unfortunately, many people who are in a relationship walk around with the feeling that they are living under constant criticism, that they are not good enough, that no matter what they do – they will be disappointed, and that they are not accepted as they are and just try to change them all the time. These are difficult feelings that over time give their signals in the relationship.
In honor of the new year, decide that you are reducing your criticism. Before you come up with another claim or suggestion for improvement, ask yourself if this thing you want to comment on is really that important.
As much as possible, try to be restrained, give up the comment and accept your spouse’s other way, even if you would do things better, and even if your intentions are the best in the world.
And if you have decided to comment, pay attention to the way you say things, the timing, the words and the tone of your speech.
Spend more time with your spouse
Bottom line, we are in a relationship to feel that we are not alone and that we have a partner along the way, someone we are interested in, who knows what we are going through and who wants our best.
Many times, over the years and by force of routine, the couple discourse may change and become more operational and superficial, and at least close and meaningful. In order not to find ourselves distant and isolated, it is important that we make sure that we are a big part of the other’s emotional world, involved in his life, feelings and dilemmas, and serve as an address for him when he feels the need to share and share.
In honor of the new year, decide that you are taking care of a regular and close dialogue with your spouse. schedule regularly at least one evening where you spend time together, exchange experiences and talk about your feelings and your emotional world. Share what concerns you, what makes you happy and what worries you.
Ensure a pleasant, relaxed and good atmosphere, get rid of various distractions, look into each other’s eyes and show interest.
The time you allocate for the conversation itself should not be very long, and can of course be combined with the joint stay devoted to the relationship, watching a series or movie you like, walking, going out, picnicking or anything that does you good.
What is important is that you set yourself a weekly anchor that will be dedicated to intimacy and closeness
Less responding, more listening
It is impossible to talk about improving a marital relationship without referring to the way people communicate, and the way they conduct their quarrels.
From my experience of watching couples try to talk about topics that are important to them, and convince their loved ones to give up, be flexible and move towards them, I can attest that there is no limit to interpretive creativity and distortions that messages go through in the couple discourse.
People try to communicate and exchange attitudes and ideas, but in the end, everyone speaks and hears the messages from the private subjectivity through which he experiences and sees life, and has difficulty recognizing and understanding the subjectivity from which the other communicates.
In my opinion, before we run to talk about the more correct wording to express our desires, and long before we rush to reach compromises and solutions to one problem or another, we should know in depth the opposite, and show our spouse that we really understood them.
In honor of the new year, decide to add more empathy to your conversations, and the next time you feel the conversation is beginning to accumulate energy of argument, instead of responding try to listen.
Decide that your initial task in the conversations you will have in the near future will be to learn in depth what the other party is saying. Reflect on your spouse what you understand they say and feel about the particular issue that has arisen, and just as importantly – check with them that you did understand correctly.
Even if you do not solve all the problems, and even if the perceptual gaps remain as they were, the very empathy and feeling you get when you feel that someone has listened to me, understood and seen me, will bring you closer, make you more flexible than before, and help you discover a whole world of creative solutions. .
Take responsibility for another task from household and family chores
The way each family is divided into day-to-day operational tasks greatly affects the marital relationship. The question of who is responsible for what of the plethora of laundry, shopping, cooking, paying the bills, taking care of the children, cleaning and tidying the house and more, lies in the duty far beyond a fair distribution of carrying the burden.
When couples talk about the subject, they often mention the feeling of loneliness, the anger from the lack of reciprocity and the great fatigue and exhaustion that takes over the daily life, leaving no leisure or energy to invest in other areas of life, and in relationships in particular.
In honor of the new year, decide that you are taking responsibility for another task at home. It does not have to be a big, dramatic or binding thing, nor does it have to be a continuation of any conversation or statement. To be honest, there are quite a few benefits to making the decision with yourself and taking the initiative.
I recommend thinking of simple and applicable ideas, which on the one hand, require an easy investment on your part, and on the other hand can greatly facilitate and help your loved ones.
Decide for example that you invest a quarter of an hour at the end of each evening to tidy up the house. Or at least once a week, take two hours off to look after the children and allow your spouse to take care of his or her affairs, or any idea that he or she sees and buys the feeling that you are partners who carry the burden together.
Increase and expand physical intimacy
Couple intimacy includes our ability to bring ourselves as we are to the other, the emotional, shared and exclusive space created between the two spouses, and everything related to touch.
Like the other aspects of the relationship, this area also undergoes changes and upheavals over the years, and it is very worthwhile to make sure that we devote enough time, effort and attention to creating emotional and physical closeness, re-creating, refreshing and investing.
In honor of the new year, along with increasing emotional closeness, decide that you also pay attention to the contact between you.
If this issue comes up in your relationship, and you or your partner feels a greater need for physical intimacy, be sure to kiss, hug and caress more than you have done so far, and give pampering massages.
Try to talk more openly about your sexuality, and share what makes you pleasant and good, and what kind of touch you are interested in.
There are legitimate gaps between the sexual needs and desires of each of you, which should of course be given the respect they deserve, so it is sometimes worthwhile to mentally separate sexuality from close contact so that each of these areas stands on its own.
That is, it is possible and important to produce a close and pleasant physical connection that will connect you and strengthen your relationship, even if it does not lead to or involve a sexual connection.
In conclusion, and on a personal note, from all the suggestions, ideas and tips, I believe with all my heart that the most important thing is not to take your relationship for granted. I highly recommend that you take your relationship very seriously, and invest in it.
Even if it seems to you that things are working out and separation is really not an option at stake, there is still a chance that your partner thinks differently, and the sooner you fix, treat, make an effort and change – will only do good for you and your relationship.
And if you really want to improve your relationship this year, express it in your actions. Listen to what your spouse is asking of you, and strive and invest so that you and your loved ones will have better than ever.