Mistakes men do when texting
After her friends complained to her that it was no longer possible to hit on women today, Sarah Rotner tried to find out which opening sentences women immediately disqualify, and what deters the male sex
When the nice guy who hit on me on Instagram sent me a question mark after I did not answer his second sentence fast enough – I knew it was doomed, he was out of chances with me. I do not know why, but this annoying question mark is enough to completely disqualify him.
“You can’t hit on anyone today,” Dan lamented to me, as we sat on the roof of my building. “Everyone has arguments. And no opening sentence is wrong.”
“That’s really not true,” I objected. “There are only certain things that bring the end of the communication. Like a question mark when your reaction is a bit delayed.”
Another neighbor, Amber, joined the conversation, and she also agreed with Dan. “You can’t hit on people today,” she said. “And I say that as a girl who disqualifies herself from most men who hit on her, and who is often disqualified herself. If I do not have a really worthwhile picture, then I am judged harshly on my sentences. I once wrote to someone ‘what’s up?’ In a light-hearted and humorous state, and he did not answer. After a while we met in other circumstances, and I had to ask him why he did not answer me then, and you know what he said? ‘I do not tolerate girls writing to me ‘what’s up?’. For such nonsense. “
Amber and Dan are not alone. There is a lack of clarity today among single men and women regarding the wording of the desired application. It’s clear to all of us that “your father is a gardener?” I’s silly, but even “Hello, my name is Jonathan, I’d love to meet you” doesn’t exactly feel right to most people. So to understand what most of us shy away from and what can work, I conducted a small market survey among women and men in the single public, to gather all their complaints about the opening sentences of us all.
Sentences that depress us
“Why don’t you answer?”, “Are you there?”, “When will you answer?”, “Hello …”
-Friend, I did not answer? There is a reason. Move forward!
It may seem elegant and short – just a question mark or two or three or five – but in many cases it disqualifies you immediately. Sending a question mark when there is a chance that maybe the girl has lost interest, it’s like pressing harder on a butterfly that has stopped moving to make it fly: if it’s not dead before, now it’s probably dead.
“Well, then meet…?”
-Like, now? Probably! With other people. Bye.
“I prefer to have a face-to-face conversation”
-Wait, a second, we just started talking. Take a look in the mirror in the meantime.
Seriously, some men think that if the first four “hi” did not work, the fifth sure will work. It reminds me of a famous quote about a craze that manifests itself back in the same action multiple times with hope for new results.
Too formal questions: “What do you work for?”, “Where do you live?”, “What is your hobby?”
A lot of women claim that even if it seems like a good technical way to develop a conversation, it’s not exactly a conversation, and it gets on the nerves of someone who reminds them of a real job interview. If she wanted to be asked about hobbies and zodiac signs and her hometown, she would go to an astrologer.
Too personal appeal: “Do you live alone?”, “When are you seen?”, “What do you think is sexiest in a man?”
-Listen, these are great questions … for much more advanced conversations! For opening sentences that decide your fate, do not gamble on them.
Anything related to racism
Yes, even if it’s positive like “how is it that all such Russians are beautiful?” Possible answer: “Because pogroms are lean.”
All kinds of “copy-pastes . Women claim to recognize this by their banal sophistication. You better keep it simple and personal. Too much of a clichéd philosophy will betray the fact that this is a copy.
“Wow, you’re really special,” or, “You’re not like the other girls here.”
Am I one in a million? From one quick glance at my profile?! Cheers!
If you are really excited to declare how right she is and how true it is and how it feels just like that and she is terribly smart and sensitive and successful – there is a good chance that she will perceive you as forgers and unreliable. If it were so easy to produce a wave of admiration and belief in our most negligible statements, we would not miss an opportunity to establish a new religion and take over the world.
Compliments of an old couple: “pumpkin”, “Baby”, etc.…
We have not yet exchanged a sentence and I am already your babe? Were they all your babes?
“Wow are you are hot”
Calling someone who doesn’t know you “hot”, “sexy”, etc. – it’s not cool and quite annoying. It seems that whoever says such sentences assumes that the other person just wants and would be happy to hear such a thing about herself. Well, yes, but let him or her decide for themselves if they want to hear it from you.
“You look better with long hair”
Yes we know you learned in the art of seduction to lower our confidence by criticizing the way it looks in the profile picture, but no, it does not work and only makes you cheeky.
“Wow, what am I dying to do to you”
Even on platforms that are seemingly dedicated to flicks like Tinder, many will prefer not to approach them at the beginning by talking about what you want to do to them. This is a gamble that could end very badly.
“Send a picture”
Legitimate, we too want to see what you look like if there is no picture, but not as an opening sentence. Be polite.
Every other word is unnecessary.
Lack of gentlemanliness: “Come to L.A sometimes?”
Many women have no problem with men expecting effort and flexibility in meeting location, especially if they themselves live far away. But specifically, men from L.A have aroused quite a bit of hostility among women who have claimed that they are behaving as if they all need to be reached and that this is clearly the case.
“Will I meet me in another hour?”
Even if the conversation has gone in an explicit sexual direction, you may want to try inviting yourself to her place.
“Shall we switch to the phone?”
Sure, I want to talk to my girlfriends about how even tonight the hallucinators started talking to with just wanting my phone number.
Part B: Pictures that are turn off for us
Not many men know, but quite a few women rule out if your main picture (and especially if it is the only one) you are hiding behind sunglasses. There is something unserious and unreliable about it.
Selfie in the gym
Like, really? Even if the intent is to search for sexual flings, there is something about abdominal muscle selfies that just automatically lowers. Here, look, I was at the gym a moment ago. My lighting in the room is a bit knocked out and you can see the hand cream on the back but how about the six pack?
Picture of a vehicle
If you wanted to show that you have money, tell what you work for. If you wanted to show that you know how to drive, offer to pick us up from home. If you wanted to show that you have no idea what makes us turn on, then yes, a car in the profile picture is great.
If you’re not Waldo and this is not the mythical corner of “Where’s Waldo”, there’s no reason to look for you. Please excuse us from this game.
What turns off men?
Talk about children
“Do not get me wrong, the fact that you are mothers and equals is sexy,” several men I spoke to told me, “but if you start writing about your children in admiration as if they are at least royalty, and how amazing and charming they are and all that, it’s a little demeaning. “Sure, they’re cute, but it’s enough to write a divorcee plus two. Yes, we don’t really have to know their names right away.”
Too direct wording: “What are you looking for”?
I’m not sure. Can I have a phone friend advice?
Sexuality reference: “Do you have a big one?”
Even in dating between men, it turns out, it is not always fun to talk straight about the cock.
Compliments: “handsome”, “sexy”
Here too, as in women, this reference language does not always come in handy.
What are the common turn offs for men and women together?
The classic turn off. You can excite her form with the beginning of a stimulating and intriguing conversation, and then ruin everything for yourself with a sentence with grammar errors.
Abbreviated slang: “yo”, “sup”, “wassup”, “kewl”
Sorry, you do not correspond here with your friends on WhatsApp. You have a conversation with a stranger who tests your verbal abilities in the three seconds that will determine what he or she will think of you. It is possible to invest in a normal trial.
Putting in a rolling laugh after you’ve had time to joke, it’s a real spin, but pushing it into your opening paragraph between sentences is a bit, how to say? idiotic.
“What is up??!!”
If you have to use more than one question / exclamation point or a maximum of two in the opening sentence, it teaches something about your peace of mind.
So … what to do?
I admit that after all this reservoir I began to come to the conclusion that Dan was right. Seemingly, there is no way to hit on us using text alone. Still, the most obvious answer seems to be to simply respond in a simple, direct and genuine way to detail interesting information that he or she has told about themselves on their card. And if you turn to him or her following a comment they left on Facebook or a post they wrote, try to relate to the content in question and preferably it will look authentic.
If you turn to him or her on Tinder – excellence in basic Standard English, polite but sociable sentences and something original and perhaps humorous to give a smile, will definitely do it. A stranger once approached me on Facebook, and wrote me his opinion on my last post. He ended his response with the sentence: “Well, that’s it. Here’s a watermelon,” and incorporated a cute watermelon emoji inside.
I answered back to him just because of the watermelon.