Experiencing sex anxiety? There is something to do!
Sex Anxiety; Do you want to. You really want a loving and supportive spouse who will be a charming and devoted father to your children in the future. The only thing that stands in your way, it seems, is anxiety about sex that prevents you from forming marital relationships (because what will happen when we get to bed?) Or causes frustrations and difficulties in the current marital relationship. why is it happening? How does sex anxiety develop and how is it dealt with?
What are we talking about when we talk about sex anxiety?
Sex is considered a fun and desirable activity: this is what it looks like on TV, you hear about it from your girlfriends. In fact, this is also what you would wish for yourself to feel, if only you had a way of eliminating the same anxiety from sex that arises whenever your partner tries to touch you or when someone offers to arrange for you “lovely guy, there are no such things”.
Sex anxiety is often accompanied by a feeling of abnormality and guilt: why is what is so simple and natural for others so complicated for you? what’s wrong with you? In practice, sex anxiety is a relatively common phenomenon that many women deal with.
Despite its focused name, sex anxiety can manifest itself in anxiety from many aspects of intimacy and sexuality and a variety of sexual dysfunction disorders. In some women, anxiety about sex will be expressed in anxiety from full sexual intercourse only, but in most women dealing with sex anxiety, even partial intimate contacts (kissing, nudity, etc.) and initial interactions with men will cause anxiety and discomfort.
In many cases, anxiety about sex will also be expressed in a general feeling of disgust and reluctance from sex and intimate contacts, and will affect sexual desire. For example, many women who experience sex anxiety may feel that they are “not sexual at all” and shy away or do not need to masturbate.
These experiences will often be accompanied by physical symptoms as well: Women who experience sexual anxiety report symptoms reminiscent of vaginismus (pain or contraction and “closure” of the vagina) and feelings of suffocation and nausea in sexually arousing situations. Occasionally, psychosomatic symptoms will also appear that will “protect” the woman experiencing sex anxiety from situations with sexual potential: Many sex anxiety farms will report multiple illnesses and physical symptoms before dating or during periods when they are in a relationship.
It’s not me, it’s sex anxiety!
One of the common mistakes among women experiencing sex anxiety is the tendency to perceive the difficulties as relating only to sexuality. “I really want a relationship, only the issue of sex is what destroys,” claim many women who experience sex anxiety, and in this way often miss the depth factors that underlie sex anxiety.
Accordingly, many of those dealing with sex anxiety turn to unnecessary and usually useless treatments that focus on using vaginal augmentation accessories, learning relaxation techniques and acquiring sex information. Not only do these treatments not help, in many cases, but they are often accompanied by increased anxiety and guilt and a sense of coercion – “If it’s so hard for me to think about a kiss how exactly am I supposed to masturbate or insert a vaginal dilator?”.
At the basis of the perception that sees anxiety states of sex as a “net sexual problem” is a position that disconnects between sex and their emotional meaning. Sex is not only a sexual act but also an act of exposure, intimacy, consent to body penetration and devotion.
These aspects are often accompanied by anxiety which is manifested in a symptom of anxiety from sex, but is in fact a broader and more comprehensive anxiety about intimate relationships and all that accompanies them. Accordingly, women who experience sexual anxiety will often also describe their social relationships as superficial or distant relationships, and their marital relationships as relationships that are accompanied by distance, lack of emotional intimacy, concealment, and lack of honesty and openness.
That is, sexual anxiety is in fact, in a large proportion of cases, an anxiety about emotional intimacy which is expressed in the sexual realm: naturally, since having sex is an intimate and exposed act, women dealing with emotional intimacy anxiety also experience sexual anxiety.
Because sex anxiety states are more visible and obvious in relation to anxiety about emotional intimacy, often the anxiety about emotional intimacy blurs and is replaced by attention to anxiety about sex.
Sex anxiety – why do you have it?
“But why should I be so anxious about emotional intimacy?” You may be asking yourself while reading the current article, “What’s so awful about intimacy?”.
In some cases a quick look at your relationship history may provide a clear initial answer: Women who have experienced sexual abuse, physical and emotional abuse or difficult and traumatic relationships learn firsthand that it is not worth trusting another person and that an intimate relationship is dangerous.
Accordingly, not only the mind but also the body will be closed to experiences of physical or emotional intimacy. Thus, anxiety about sex is essentially a protection against attachment which is experienced as threatening and dangerous.
“In such cases it is natural,” you may say to yourself, “but why me? I have not experienced severe sexual or emotional trauma …” It is important not to confuse this feeling: even if you have not experienced trauma or sexual abuse, relationships The significance in our lives permeates our souls from childhood and shapes the way we experience relationships.
Experiences of unresponsiveness and emotional attention, intrusiveness, lack of interest in the inner world and so on are recorded in the psyche even when they exist within a “good family” characterized by parenting with positive general lines.
If we register in our minds that an intimate relationship can hurt us in various ways, it is not surprising that even in adulthood and in adult sexuality we will find remnants of these experiences and feelings.
Accordingly, in order to change situations of sexual anxiety it is advisable to seek psychiatric treatment which will help in understanding the symptom of sexual anxiety and understanding the emotional factors underlying it.
This processing, along with the experience of a beneficial intimate relationship with the therapist, registers in the mind an experience of optimism and hope about intimate relationships, thus often leading to the disappearance of sexual anxiety and anxiety about intimacy as a whole.