7 Tips On How To Talk With Husband Without Fighting?
A lot of women ask us how to talk with husband without fighting- it’s quite simple. Even if we are world champions at listening to our friends, colleagues and employees, and even our spouses on current affairs, when it comes to sensitive and deep things we just fail to listen properly, even if we think so. Hadi Axelard with all the ways that will help you do it right.
We sit at home, enjoying more or less the extra time we got together, and trying to talk, get closer and rediscover.
On all sides we are encouraged to expose ourselves, to share, to bring our truth and what is important to us into the relationship, and by and large, to take advantage of the period to finally solve some of the personal and relationship problems that are bothering us.
Many, reconcile and again fighting: the marital paradox
This aspiration sounds legitimate and logical. We really feel that there is currently more time, inquiries and general ease that allows us to create a new kind of discourse.
The many changes that have taken place in recent weeks and the family nesting atmosphere that has been created, help us to believe that there is a good chance that this time we will be able to manage our eternal quarrel from somewhere else, and maybe even achieve the change we so long for.
But – and this is a pretty significant but – we have already learned experience from past conversations that have not really succeeded, do not really know any other dynamics, and are a little afraid to recreate the patterns, tones, defenses and frustration. What do you do to get out of the loop?
Build closeness and learn to really listen
The ability to listen, to succeed not only in hearing but also in understanding what the other is telling me and what he really means, distilling the deep essence of his words, giving him the feeling that he is understood and contained and translating everything into a sensitive and accurate response, is a real art, and even more challenging When it comes to talking about a significant issue with our loved ones.
Even if we are world champions at listening to our friends, colleagues and employees, and even our spouses on current affairs, when it comes to sensitive and deep things we just fail to listen properly, even if we think so.
It happens because we are too emotionally involved and because we have a very long history together. We are offended and hurt even when we should not, hear messages that have never been said, and think we know better about our spouses than they know about themselves.
The good news is that listening is a skill that can be developed and perfected. It may not be the whole story, and certainly not the one who will solve all our marital problems, but it can certainly be the tip of the iceberg for improving communication between us, and there is no substitute for the good things it can bring to our relationship.
Through listening we show our spouse that they are important to us, that we understand them (even if they do not necessarily agree with them), and especially that they are not alone and that there is someone close who cares about them.
These are extremely important feelings, which serve as a significant fuel for initiating the process of rapprochement, and for maintaining and nurturing the relationship. The following rules will help you listen correctly, and increase the chances that the next conversation between you will be pleasant, helpful and positive.
Take care of the context as much as the content
Many conversations fail because they do not arrive at the right time or place, and because there is no coordination of expectations about the nature of the conversation and its purpose.
In order to be able to communicate effectively, it is very important to take care of the appropriate atmosphere, one that will allow for mutual listening and inquiries.
Make sure there are no distractions (noises, screens, phones, children), and that your spouse understands that you now want to and expects to have a heart-to-heart conversation with them.
Look for the deep messages
The goal of each of you is to be able to understand what your spouse means, in the deepest sense of the word. What is important to them? What do they need? What are they asking of you and of themselves? You will find out the answers by listening to all the messages and not just the words spoken.
What does their body language say? What words do they choose? When do their tones change? So that you can help them and you understand what is really bothering them and what is actually the heart of the matter.
You should address the overall picture of the messages being conveyed, and identify the key phrases that come back and the main emotions that arise.
Try to be a little stranger
One of the main reasons why it is so difficult for us to understand what our spouse is trying to say is that we are too close to them.
The shared marital history has spawned an infinity of situations that have helped us learn them and their reactions, and established our perception of them.
The result is that we think we know better what they want or need, pretend to interpret their conduct psychologically, and treat them in a very one-dimensional way.
Try to listen to your spouse out of respect for their complexity as human beings, and for the fact that they are constantly changing just like you. Assume that they mean the things they say simply, let them know that they know and know themselves best, and listen with a sincere desire to learn and understand.
Delay on what is bothering you
It is true that our main job is to try to understand what our partner is saying without our emotions and defenses interfering, distracting our thoughts and provoking us to unnecessary reactions.
At the same time, your emotional response has very important information that is important to address later. The moments when you begin to feel anger, sadness, insult, disappointment and fear, are usually the stage where the conversation can change direction sharply.
Pay attention to your feelings, try to understand what caused them and keep listening and try to understand without reacting. Save what you have to say for the moments when the attention will be directed to you, and then you will be able to reflect what it made you feel, what is important to you and what you want and want.
Do not rush to advise and look for solutions
As mentioned, your part in listening is to draw the deep messages that are conveyed to you, and to convey to your partner the feeling that they are understood. You can do that and give them a lot of the support and friendship they need, even without saying too many things.
When we rush to sympathize, pity or give advice, we are busy with ourselves and our responsibility to act, help, rejoice and resolve, and miss the opportunity to understand from our spouse what can help them – an answer that is only with them.
Do not rush into solutions, and temporarily release the practical part of you to the Knesset. Instead, concentrate on being for them, teaching them and giving them the great gift that interested and friendly listening can give.