They Are Beautiful, Desired And Cannot Fall In Love
Jasmine prefers to live in the moment and is comfortable with not falling in love with anyone. Jonathan believes we are looking for something that does not exist and that keeps us from falling in love and Ronnie wonders if the reason for not falling in love is with her father who was a butterfly who betrayed his wives: We talked to the bachelor who didn’t know what love was – and didn’t want to know
“The sound doesn’t fit the picture, the picture doesn’t fit the subtitles.” This sentence was not said in a video editing class, it was said when my ex said goodbye to me. Even before we left, I was warned in advance that he was one of those types who did not fall in love, and always used to say goodbye to his friendship precisely when the magic seemed to happen and he finally fell in love. Of course I didn’t want to listen, and fate and I wanted to go into his sad statistics.
After the breakup I wondered to myself – who are these people who fail to fall in love? What motivates them to keep trying? Do they hope that sometime their hearts will open? Are they just sadists who like to overthrow innocent gems? And maybe these are complex people who try and it just doesn’t work out for them? I asked bachelors and bachelors to tell me with an open heart why they were lacking in love and whether they thought it would change.
Likes the idea of the couple more than the couple
“I’m not sure I ever fell in love. There were times, five, six and even ten years ago, that I thought I fell in love with. In retrospect, I can say that I admired and appreciated the men I knew or just liked, but I wasn’t in love with any of them. Of being in relationships with them more than them, “says Jasmine Ramon, 27.
Why do you think you can’t fall in love?
“I think I just haven’t met anyone who will really give me that emotion. Someone who will have the whole package that suits me. I believe it will happen naturally when someone comes to be worth my love, but in the last three years I have let go a little to look for connections. And going on dates, but I don’t build towers or think far. I live in the moment and don’t imagine the future with them. “
It sounds very comfortable to be devoid of infatuation.
“Yes, I am comfortable at the moment, certainly during the Corona period. It is very liberating to some extent, because once there is another partner in the equation it immediately changes the level of freedom of where to live, where to work and everything related to it,” she says. “My most significant relationship was two years ago, and even then it ended before I could develop feelings. So fall in love?!”
Is that something you talk about with guys you go out with?
“It’s not that I warn men I know I don’t fall in love, even though it seems to be the dream of most men, but rather quickly I say I don’t think long term and that I want to enjoy the current experience. If I come with someone for intimacy and he asks about our relationship, I tell him that I don’t think far and what it will be – usually they don’t ask, and everything goes smoothly. “
Do you even want to fall in love?
“I don’t know if I’m waiting to fall in love. That’s not the goal in my mind. The goal is to find a relationship that does well for both parties, and then there can really be love that comes from a mutual and real place. A place based on mutual feelings.”
It’s a cycle of searching for excitement rather than emotion
“I haven’t fallen in love for 20 years. Today, it’s very difficult to get through the first hurdle and it’s a first contact with someone we like. Take a look at the dating apps, not just the proud community. Where we are no less than a product on the shelf. Go for love when you are actually looking for a product, “says Jonathan (38).
What do you mean?
“We are in constant pursuit of what is set for us as an ideal: the smartest man, the richest, and the smartest. It’s a perfect man who doesn’t really exist, but as I mentioned, we have created an illusion on social networks that he does exist in the world. That in the change of consciousness, the damage to our confidence and self-esteem, and our ability as human beings to feel comfortable with who we are without facing the outer packaging test. “
So you’re basically saying that we’re all losers. Neither fall in love nor love.
“Those who have an interesting and high-quality personality but without the right look find themselves in desperate pursuit of the momentary attention that will allow them, even for a moment, to have the opportunity to reflect their content. Those with the right appearance are most often addicted to the excitement of liking and liking many people In fact, there is an endless cycle of stimuli that magnify us into a cycle of searching for excitement rather than emotion. In my opinion, these are the difficulties that prevent me from reaching this place of falling in love with anyone. I am looking for the perfect man, and on the other hand I am insecure about the perfect I can reach for someone else. “Afraid that if I am with a man who loves, he will betray me and leave me
“Knowing this episode at Wedding at First Sight when Jessica finds it difficult to open up and fall in love with Tom because her father left the family? So I sympathize with that one percent,” Roney, 42. “Trying to match me countless men, I went on a date with all the bachelors of USA but nothing catches on. I just can’t find anyone who feels good with him. Correction, who will feel trust with him. And as with Jessica, I also had a father that one bright day was gone. He was Butterfly, “she recalls. “In my opinion, he has had novels with all the women in New york and New york in particular. I think that remains with me – that if I were with a man I would love, he would betray me and leave me.”
“I’ve been in therapy for a few years now, and my therapist has found that I have a bank of excuses that I pull out every time to disqualify someone. In my opinion, until I fix this wound I have from childhood experience, I will have a hard time closing this bank. I’m sure I missed good guys who die About not being the type of falling in love because I’m a challenge, but always, at one point, I felt like I couldn’t be with them.
Do you even want to fall in love?
“Yes. No. I don’t know … Not bad for me in life. On the other hand, I’m not 16 and getting old alone can be a bummer. Maybe I should target a crowd of older men, those who barely stand up to them and then there’s no way I’ll be afraid to open up and fall in love with them. Sounds like a comfortable arrangement to me, ”she says amused.
Don’t be offended, but it sounds like you’re running away from falling in love at all costs.
“Yes, I run away from the painful truth that maybe I don’t know what love is. I know what passion, sex, thrills, experiences are. The last serious boyfriend I had was about 30, and even then I did everything to screw this relationship up. Moves between romance and romance, asking that they not define anything that I have as a relationship, because parity signifies love and mutual trust. This romance is drifting and comfortable for me. “
“By the way, I was with quite a few men and I noticed that I was in love with the idea of being with them,” she adds. “Take a picture, upload a photo to Facebook and get likes and compliments. But in truth, I’ve always been the one who cut them. Wish me I resolved the matter and know how to tell you what love is without pictures for Facebook and all kinds of crap.
“It’s hard for me to fall in love because I have a defensive mind”Falling in love is not something you try, falling in love is something that happens when you notice that we are good with the person in front of us and have survived without it,” says Costa Nicov, 26.”I think it’s hard for me to fall in love because I have defensiveness. From an early age I got a lot of attention from girls, but even when I had someone, I always looked for something better. I hurt them but didn’t understand it. Since I got into some relationships I didn’t finish them, and only So I understood what it felt like to be hurt. It hurt my self-confidence and I hadn’t tried to involve anyone in years.
Do you prefer relocation?
“Moving is better because it’s easier to get, but I always prefer to fall in love.”
Do you think there is a way to deal with this, defensively, or the infatuation?
“There is no treatment, there is only circumstance and state of mind. A man who has something to offer, let us say financially – it will be easier for him to fall in love and be loved. And tell you a secret: We, the men, want to be loved all the time, to the smallest clichéd details you can imagine. Whether it’s a surprise hug, a compliment, a call, a message, or any kind of affectionate attitude.
Prefers impossible love
“Sincerely? Someday I’ll have to deal with that. I don’t want to find myself a 50-year-old single who starts with 20-year-olds in clubs says Phil, 39.
“The last time I fell in love was about six years ago. I was in love, burnt out, sick of a student from South America who came to the US for a year and a half. This is perhaps the most wow relationship I have had, but I did not pursue it because she lives in South America and it is too far and dear to me. Today I notice that I fall in love with the unwanted. That is to say, anyone who can not have a serious relationship with him or her. Whether it is people who do not live in the states or even married. “
In two words: Fear of commitment?
“I may be so scared of a commitment to always be easier for someone or someone that somehow life will prevent us from doing so. That way I don’t fall in love with the person I am but in the romantic situation of impossible love. And I don’t deserve to go through it. Not falling in love saves heartache. Another reason is that my parents are divorced, have no drama and are good friends, but maybe it has affected me subconsciously. Maybe I should take care of that. “
How do the people you date respond to? Are you implying that you have a crushing problem?
“They get it on their own very quickly! For me it’s more complicated because I’m attracted to both men and women, so the ‘threat’ from me is twofold. If I’m with a man he’ll be afraid to throw it away for a woman, and if I’m with a woman then the same. I do not know what they really think about me, but I try to make it clear on the first dates that I come with an open mind to everything.
Would you like to fall in love?
“Do I want to fall in love? A difficult question. I can answer a vending machine that obviously is and everything, but I understand that I have a very strong character, and part of it is not to depend on anyone or anyone, and love is the most dependent. Wow, what salad did I make for you?. Surely readers will think I have to go to urgent care.”