9 Ways To Identify True Love!
Your heart rate picks up every time he or she calls, your palms sweat as they get closer, the smile does not go down your face and you are pretty sure “that’s it”, but how do you know if it really is true love?
Dr. Dennis Nader, author of the book “Being a Man in a Woman’s World” says that love has three stages: the stage of falling in love, the stage of attachment and the stage of familiarity.
The falling in love stage is the stage where you can not wait to be with each other. “This is a romantic phase of love,” says Dr. Nader, but warns that this is the phase where most people tend to feel it is the “real thing,” the problem is that the phase is very short.
The second stage is the attachment stage. At this point you learn to know the other person and plan the aspects of your life around him. Investment and willingness at this stage, will eventually put you in the third stage.
The familiar stage is based on the pattern of relationships, behaviors and habits you have created with the other person. The lives of both spouses become intertwined, and a comfortable sense of harmony reigns in the air. You know more or less what each of you feels and thinks, how he behaves and what he is interested in. Each partner can free up from the effort invested in the relationship, to focus on additional goals in private life as well. According to Dr. Nader and many professionals, this is where most true love begins.
What is the definition of true love?
“Love is when you never have to say sorry.” This famous phrase the client from the classic ‘Love Story’ tries to provide an unambiguous definition of the complex emotion. But when you want to define what true love is, even the experts stop for a moment to think.
Dr. Nader defines true love as ‘caring for the health, well-being and happiness of another person, to an extent that transcends your health, well-being and happiness.’ Real is when you care enough for another person to give him the space and time to be all he can be ‘. According to him, when someone tells us “if you really loved me you would …” it is not true love but a need for control. True love is unconditional support.
Caitlin and Gay Hendrix, authors of the book “Eternal Love” say that ‘true love occurs during the transition from unconscious commitment to conscious commitment’. The two explain that when they hear a couple say that relationships are very hard work, it is an expression of an unconscious commitment. Conscious commitment, on the other hand, is when the true self of each spouse communicates in harmony with the other and supports him or her for better or worse.
9 ways to know if your love is true love!
Despite the difficulty of finding an unequivocal definition of true love, experts are able to agree on 9 important elements to know if “this is it”:
- If you feel good. A good relationship makes you feel good about yourself.
- You expect to spend quality time with your spouse. You do not have to be with other people or go to events to be together, but enjoy quality time, even when it is quiet.
- You respect each other. If you hear yourself bragging and cheering for a partner like, “My husband is talented!” Or “My wife is wonderful!” That’s a good sign. If you are talking and concentrating mainly on yourself, then your attention is not focused on your partner or relationship.
- You are interested in what your partner thinks. You ask the partner’s opinion on issues that are important to you. It’s okay if you disagree.
- You accept the strangeness of the partner. Everyone has a weirdness, you too. If the strangeness of your partner is kind and tolerable in your eyes, you are in good shape. But if they are bothering you, you need to take a closer look at the nature of the relationship.
- You are able to work on your problems. It is natural to have bumps in the road to true happiness, but if you look at disagreements as an opportunity for learning and do not break the tools following any struggle, then you are in a good place.
- You can not explain why you are together. Many people try to fit themselves and their lives into a template that will ensure that the relationship succeeds. Ask yourself if you are together because you really want to be. If the answer is ‘yes’, you probably will too.
- You do not compare your partner to others. They will always be more successful, beautiful and sporty, but this fact does not move you, you do not compare your partner to others and are happy for your part.
- You feel safe. You are not afraid of losing your partner.
If you still do not know if your love is real or if “this is it”, here is one last tip: Make a list of all the parameters you require from your partner and relationship to be happy. If your list holds true, you have probably found true love.