What Makes A Man So Good In Bed
What makes a man so good in bed, most of us wonder. Most men like to hear that they are good in bed. But can something that looks so good also be bad? Professor Aaron Ben-Ze’ev on the difference between a knowledge-based technique and an emotion-based intimacy.
“No matter what tricks the man does in bed, regardless of intimacy, it will not move me.” -Anonymous
“In my opinion, a man who is good in bed never reaches orgasm before his partner. As long as he has not reached the vent, he is excited enough and very invested in the act. But after he reaches the vent, my feeling is that it is always less passionate.“- Married Woman
Women who were asked what makes a man good in bed, gave tips that point to the importance of intimacy in quality sex:
“Kisses,” one stated. “If you are not a good kisser, then go home. I have never found a better sign of the quality of a man in bed than the way he kisses.”
“Imagination, creativity, boldness and openness,” said another, adding: “Also reciprocity, patience and a desire to improve.”
“A good man in bed is an enthusiastic man,” the third stated. “So do not be an air hammer and try new steps. Take your time.”
“Please, please, please for the love of God, if you want to be good in bed,” the fourth advised, “do not assume that just because you finished first, the story is over. Never leave your lady hot and dry.”
“Good communication is the hottest thing in bed,” the fifth concluded.
“Openness and lack of judgment, along with a desire to lead,” stated another woman, adding: “If you want to be good in bed, first of all, concentrate on your partner.
Do not miss the foreplay. Intimacy is also important, worry after, and do not forget a hug and kiss before “That you are swept into a coma. Only then will you make me fall asleep next to you with a smile on your face.”
“Only now have you been with me in the most intimate way – physically entering me. So it’s likely to want a hug and a kiss afterwards,” another woman admitted. And the latter stated that “listening, reciprocity, consideration and a long walk towards the partner make a man good sex. Or in other words: communication and reading others.”
Knowledge-based technique, emotion-based intimacy
“Women are able to fake orgasms, men can fake whole relationships.” Sharon Stone
“Being good in bed” requires two key aspects: knowledge-based technique and emotion-based intimacy. The technique refers to physical factors such as when, where and how to touch the partner, and mental factors such as when, how and what to say to the partner.
A good technique can allow you to wait with the orgasm until the woman reaches the orgasm, or stop for a long time to continue the sexual act for long hours. Emotion-based intimacy is much more complex, and includes a feeling of deep and warm personal closeness, linked to a sense of mutual belonging.
Technique points to general aspects that are appropriate for most people, while intimacy expresses the essence of the romantic relationship – the unique match between the two couples. The technique can also be learned and improved through reading books or personal experiences, but intimacy is not a matter of learning, but of emotional development as one grows closer.
The technique is also very difficult to fake – either you know what to do, or you do not know. But while it is easier to acquire, one has to practice, go back and memorize it. The intimacy is easy to fake at the beginning of the acquaintance, but it is difficult to acquire it and fake it over time. Sensitive women detect the forgery fairly quickly, although the excellent technique may make it difficult.
“The strongest orgasm in my life was when my lover said, ‘You belong to me, and I belong to you.'” -Married Woman
The two aspects responsible for the quality of sex are not in conflict: a man can have excellent technique, and at the same time also create intimacy in the relationship with the partner. But many times the good technique interferes with the formation of deep and lasting intimacy.
There are several reasons for such a disorder. First, people tend to overweight their powerful traits (thus strengthening their self-images). Therefore, men who see themselves as experts in a technique that leads to sexual satisfaction, will give it overweight and overestimation, which may lead them to neglect the need to invest in intimacy.
Another reason is the personality structure of these people, which gives them strong satisfaction from short experiences, so they have no incentive to build lasting intimacy (what’s more because of their expertise, they enjoy great demand). Beyond that, it is quite possible that such people become “experts in the technique” precisely because they are afraid of intimacy, and therefore they “experience” and “specialize” in many short relationships.
Persistent intimacy distinguishes between good romantic sex and mechanical sex that is too good. Studies have shown that romantic couples perceive time as an essential component in cultivating a romantic relationship. Taking time before, during and after the sexual encounter strengthens the intimacy.
Indeed, a positive correlation was found between the quality of the relationship and the duration of the courtship, the time devoted to the sexual encounter and the duration of the intimate activities after that encounter.
Of course, devoting such time is contrary to the purposeful and effective nature of the mechanical sex of the experts, who are excellent in technique, but weak in building lasting intimacy.
The technique sometimes determines the degree of instant gratification, but the intimacy determines whether you want to see it the next morning.
“Such men are made of perfectly sculpted but heartless marble”
A divorced woman who had an affair with a man who boasted a lot of expertise in bed, summed it up like this: “My lover was wonderful in bed.
The sex was amazing, but far from natural. It was a perfect porn show and he was a superstar. Like in porn movies, he liked to penetrate my body When the glittery evening gown was still on me, but that avoided contact with the skin that is so significant to me for creating intimacy.
“Our long making love sessions lasted for hours, and I got the impression that it was important to his personal record that they be long. I knew the making way of making love was not unique to me and copied from previous mistresses. His sexual expertise was based on reading many books, not only on ways to satisfy women To do emotional manipulations on them.He also gathered all the possible information about me.
“Even so, I felt he did not see or hear me, but acted mechanically and calculatedly. Everything was too exaggerated and beautified. I was just another casual episode for him. Being a hopeless romantic, I decided to leave his magical bed and look for something more natural, that would not Less than a romantic earthquake for me. “
“Such men,” said another woman, “are made of perfectly sculpted but heartless marble.” She means that knowing full well the effect of words coming from the heart, they can utter such words during sexual activity, but do not expect them to go that extra distance with these words.
Between truth-tellers and liars
One of the differences between truth-tellers and liars is that the story of truth-tellers changes slightly from time to time, as at different times they look at the experience from different perspectives.
The liars, on the other hand, memorize their story and repeat it mechanically, word for word. Similarly, “bed experts” memorize all the details of female sexuality, and apply it without regard to personal differences.
These experts, who in their opinion know everything, lack true curiosity combined with imagination. They have been with many women, so the current specific woman is not something new and unique that they need to discover as well as enjoy the development in discovery.
These men, who are so proud of their expertise, tell about their glorious sexual past at the first or second meeting, thus preventing the experience of shared and continuous discovery.
Their behavior is repetitive (at least for them) and lacks significant development, which is essential for establishing lasting intimacy.
This is why in most cases, after a few months such men will lose interest in the woman they are with and turn to the one after them. These men constantly want to reach new heights. After adding this woman to their “hunting list”, they want to reach further heights in terms of the speed that will put the woman to bed, the number of orgasms that will cause her, and the number of consecutive hours they can do so.
Like other experts, these men are smart and knowledgeable, but this cleverness sometimes eliminates the sensitivity that relates to the specific unique relationship – they caress and polish the trees without contributing to the blossoming of the forest. The sex with them is spectacular, but it lacks an extra soul – the emotion of the soul as it approaches another soul.
Staying with these men can be pleasant and exciting, which is good when the focus is on the short time and the superficial relationship. But if the expectations are for romantic depth and lasting intimacy, there may be disappointment here. But when there is deep intimacy and the man also “juggles” – then it is wonderful.