Why Do Men Pull Away When Things Start To Get Serious
“Why Do Men Pull Away When Things Start To Get Serious?” is a frequent question we get. Many women tell of a man who from the first moment “flew” over them, declared that they were the love of their life, repeatedly told them how perfect they were and showered them with compliments. Then, one day, he decided he was no longer interested. Why is this happening and why should you check yourself too? personal training.
“I can not believe he stopped loving me! It just can not be! If he loved so much, how is it that he no longer does?”
Such questions I hear more than once from heartbroken customers, who until a moment ago had a dream relationship that suddenly shattered. They tell of a man who almost from the first moment “flew” over them, declared that they were the love of his life, repeated to them how perfect they were and showered them with compliments.
Then, one day, during a seemingly sudden move, he decided he was no longer interested. And not only that, his passionate attitude suddenly became cold and distant.
More than once they tell that not only did he end the relationship, but he did it in an ugly way. Suddenly disappeared, stopped replying to messages or provided unreliable excuses. So how is it that such deep love dissipates in an instant?
In fact, the answer is simple. He was falling in love with you, not in love with you! And what’s the difference, you ask?
Well, falling in love is the powerful but superficial emotion that ignites in a moment between two or unilaterally. The essence of falling in love is longing, attraction and a kind of admiration. It is an exciting feeling that makes us forget about all our troubles and be in the clouds for a moment.
But even in the most successful relationship, the feeling of falling in love eventually dissipates and becomes into something much quieter. Because to fall in love with someone you do not have to know him.
We fall in love with the seemingly perfect image we want to see and the feeling that that person gives us through his longing and admiration for us, and more than once, when we look back, we are told, “What did I find in him anyway?”.
Love, on the other hand, is a deeper and more meaningful emotion that is not limited to a relationship only. Love in its essence. That is, if we love someone he will love us just as much (this is in contrast to falling in love where one side often wants more, and precisely the fact that someone is not in our hands makes him more attractive to us).
True love can continue to exist even after the loved one is no longer in our lives. Falling in love, on the other hand, ignites in an instant and at the same speed it can also end. Still, it is important to understand why this happened in such extremism.
Fall in love with a storm
In my experience, in the first place when someone falls in love with you in a storm it should turn on a red light in you. After all, the man does not really know you, so what did he actually fall in love with?
He fell in love with who he wants you to be – a strong, confident and perfect woman in every way. He needs to look you in the eye and believe that he has improved his destiny that a woman as amazing as you wants in him.
Then, when he finds out that you are not confident in yourself at all, that you are sad, irritable, need constant approval from him, or worst of all – develop a dependence on him, he turns off.
Granted, every man’s attraction to you will be hurt if you develop a dependence on him, but if he’s the type of “flying men” (the ones who fly at you too fast), it will happen with the first sign of your imperfection. How will you know to identify these problematic men and avoid them? First, they will always be overly enthusiastic about you even before they know you.
But more importantly, if you take a closer look at that man, you will find that even though you adore him and treat him as an idol, he himself is far from whispering so about himself. He carries deep burdens since childhood, experiences injury from a woman who has betrayed or abandoned him, he has problems such as depression, anxiety, a deep sense of worthlessness, and more which are not simple problems.
In fact, when he looks at you with admiration, for a moment he forgets about the deep abysses that fill him from within and feels wonderful.
The problem is that once you become an “ordinary” person, you no longer serve his need to run away from himself. He can still be attracted to you and there can be a great connection between you, but if you do not provide him with the excitement he needs to forget about the darkness in him, he will not choose you as a friend.
By the way, it’s not that he will eventually find himself with someone perfect – because there is no such thing. But over time, he will only be able to be with someone who wants him less than he wants her (because that is what causes longing and admiration).
Therefore, with any man you go out with, and especially with someone who falls in love with you too quickly, do not give up on understanding in depth who he is and what his emotional state is. Ask about his family and the nature of his previous relationships.
If he is divorced, check his relationship with his children and his ex-wife, try to understand if he is happy, emotionally balanced, stable in terms of work, financially.
Does he testify that he loves himself? Treats others with respect? Has internal strength or depends on sedatives(Weed also counts)? Listen carefully to his words, not through the image of “strong” and “successful” that you have decided on.
And on the other front, check yourself too. If you drew such a man to smile, not on a first date level but for a more serious relationship, you probably have a problem too.
For if you were in a situation very different from his own, you would be deterred by his exaggerated words and condition. If you want to change things and attract a different character of men to smile, you will have to experience inner change and reach a state where you are calm, balanced, loving yourself and free of emotional sediment.